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About Literature / Hobbyist Chewing the scenery since 1993Female/United Kingdom Recent Activity
Deviant for 11 Years
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I am the imposter in this life :iconkirana44:kirana44 2 1
It wasn't necessarily the smell of it that calmed me – although that did play its part, yes. Instead, it was the sight of it that did it.
The smell was nice, though – the box advertised it as "Dragon's Blood", although how anyone could tell if that's what Dragon's Blood actually smelt like, I have no clue. The box smelt musky, like trees and leaves in the rain, so there was a slight disappointment when the initial smell of the lit stick was nothing but burning wood – but that in itself wasn't bad either. Before the true sent of the incense came through, I was transported to a crisp November night, the bonfire burning brightly, my gloved hand holding a glowing stick not too dissimilar to the one resting in the wooden plate on my desk. And then that musky smell came through, and I found myself unable to transport myself anywhere except the exact place I was, and somehow that was alright – because where else would I want to be but here?  I took in a mouthful
:iconkirana44:kirana44 2 0
My partner is not the sort you take home
My partner is not the sort you take home
To meet the parents, a bouquet in his hands.
He charms them well enough, but I can tell
He's the kind of man they warn you about,
The one who brings sensible people out
In a silent sort of panicked worry.
My partner has never been that jealous –
When he notices my wandering gaze,
He follows them, finds the man I long for
And he drinks him in with his eyes, asking
"Maybe we can share him later, darling,"
His eyes sparkling with desire and joy.
My partner is not often respected,
And when he is, it's fuelled by pure fear.
When he speaks, depending on the context,
The answering voice trembles in terror,
Or perhaps it shakes with undisguised want,
Or more likely, it sneers, full of disdain.
My partner is such an honest liar,
Telling the truth and nothing but the truth,
Though never the unabridged, complete truth.
Patience is a virtue when I hold him,
And his honest feelings spill from his mouth
And the façade fades, his confidence gone.
:iconkirana44:kirana44 1 1
His Hands
The thing I find myself missing the most? His hands.
They're large, warm, the skin slightly dry.
The palms feel massive when they engulf my own,
And my fingers feel a little too short when I thread them through his own.
I remember holding them for the first time, being surprised at the size
And the pure dry heat of them radiating against my skin –
He sounded amused when I told him, inelegantly, "You've got such massive hands!"
His response being, "Are you really that surprised?"
His hand giving a gentle squeeze as he said it.
Unexceptional to most people, but I love them all the same.
I love how delicate they feel when he brings my own fingers up to his lips,
And the firm heat when they rub the small of my back.
I love the tight, reassuring grip he uses when he smothers my hand with his own,
And I love how he never lets go until he has to.
I often find myself reaching out,
Trying to grab something that isn't there,
And it's in those moments that my hand feels colder than usual
:iconkirana44:kirana44 1 0
The Unscathed Violin
The violin case lies completely pristine, undamaged,
The grey felt blending in with the dark tarmac.
Its owner lies in a crumpled heap a few feet back,
The wreck of his bike a twisted, unrecognisable mass of knotted metal.
It could have been anyone who killed him –
No lights or reflectors, no space to avoid him, nothing to make him stand out.
He had no chance, but drunk as he had been, perhaps he knew that?
His body is just as broken as his bike,
And the car he hit shows the damage plainly enough.
Opening up the case, then, it seems karma has a sense of irony –
The sleek wood of the instrument is undented,
And in the dim light of the police lamps, it shines.
In that moment, the mangled corpse has an identity other than a dead cyclist –
A musician, a busker, his fingers deftly drifting over the strings.
I wonder if he smiled as he played, or if his face wore a stony mask of concentration?
I wonder if anyone stopped to hear him play, or if they just kept on walking.
I wond
:iconkirana44:kirana44 1 1
How are you?
"Hey, how are you?"
How am I? I'm fine.
Oh, nothing's wrong,
Just the usual numbness seeping through my insides,
And the voice in my head telling me I'm not good enough.
Don't worry, though, I've just had a shitty day so far –
Feeling the disapproving eyes of my supposed friends
Glance over and through me every time I utter a sentence,
The increasing decibels not doing anything to make them really,
Really notice me.
Not that there's anything to really notice, is there?
I've not handed any work in on time for weeks,
And there's disappointment in the teacher's eyes too.
The voice is getting more and more critical,
The guilt almost screaming at me every time I slack off,
And the numbness and apathy have gripped every inch of my grey matter,
Draining my soul of colour and light.
If I'm going to be depressed, the least I could do is write about being depressed –
But apparently I'm too fucked up to even want to attempt that.
Why should I? It'd probably sound like crap, anywa
:iconkirana44:kirana44 1 1
Why is it that, upon you asking me,
"Would you go out with me?"  I would say no,
No matter how lovely you are to see,
Despite the kindness that to me you show?
I may love you with all my heart and mind,
But this shell I inhabit is distant,
Unfeeling to the point of being blind,
Despite how my love is so persistent.
I am a machine with a human heart,
And a human brain full to distraction,
My body with its malfunctioning part,
A fault, against which I can't take action.
And yet, I think, it is better like this,
Our love not needing a small, pointless kiss.
:iconkirana44:kirana44 2 6
"I need you, Franziska. Ever since I met you, I've needed you. Is that…wrong?"
She knew what the answer was, or what it should be. Her papa had drilled it into every aspect of her life: Perfection. Everything must be absolutely perfect, from work to hobbies to love. She remembered tentatively asking him, back when she was too young to know herself, What kind of man would you like to be my husband? He just smiled and said, As long as he is as perfect as you, and not slow you down, then any man you like. (with a heavy emphasis on "man"). Back then, being involved with a woman never even crossed her mind. Why should it? Anything other than that would be imperfect. She remembered it very clearly, when they once took a walk together and spied two women holding hands; his grimace and the muttered curse, the silent, sneering judgement: Deviants, all of them. The youth of today…
Even though he wasn't alive anymore, she still tried to live up to his expe
:iconkirana44:kirana44 9 32
A 6 word story
You're in pain. I caused it.
:iconkirana44:kirana44 2 6
He's Given Up Talking
It's not that Matt Rutherford can't speak. Of course he can, how can he sing if he can't speak? And it's not like he doesn't want to talk to people. He likes Mike, and Brittany and Santana and everyone else in Glee. No, he's not adverse to speaking.
Too bad his mouth won't let him do it.
He tries, he really does. But whenever he was asked to read  something out in class, or whenever a girl asked him for his name, he'd freeze. His heart would pound so painfully in his chest, and he would hold his tongue, no matter how badly he just wanted to speak. And he has no idea why this is.
The doctor who came to check him out, on a teacher's recommendation, said he had something called Selective Mutism. He felt that it fit rather well, as when he was home, he was fine. He wasn't abnormal, or a freak. He was just a kid who loved sports and music and dancing, and he had so much to express. His voice had become a secret which only few knew about, and that hurt more than anything. Because d
:iconkirana44:kirana44 4 22
The Dilemma of the Rich
You walk down the street,
Pretty young blonde girl,
With your (fake) fur-lined bomber jacket
And your headphones in, iPod in pocket,
The lyrical sounds blocking out things that you don't want to hear.
You can only just make out the sound
Of the man you've just ignored,
The one in the wheelchair,
The stump of his missing leg propped up,
The Big Issue held in his outstretched hand.
Help the homeless who want to help themselves, he says,
But you, oh kind and giving young lady,
Just rush on by, your mother's words ringing in your head:
It's not your money to give out, Darling,
I know you mean well, but you can't give out what's not truly yours.

So you obey your mother, because, well,
What else can you do?
You console yourself with chocolate and music,
Hating that you are blind
But sensitive to what you cannot see.
:iconkirana44:kirana44 2 5
I admit to not knowing very much
About this strange thing people call
But I do know that it has a
Rather unfortunate Antonym:
:iconkirana44:kirana44 2 3
Never Be Mine
We walk side by side down the halls every day, arm in arm, the gossip flowing between us, never stopping. I'd like to think that you're happy, here with me. Happier and safer with me, and not with Finn, or Sam or Dalton boy…Blaine, I seem to remember (you talk about him enough for me to remember, but sometimes I'd love to forget he exists). Your arm is so damn warm, and when you laugh at my fabulously sharp one-liners, I briefly catch your scent, and it makes my knees go weak. Hairspray, coconut, vanilla and jasmine. Do you know how nice that is? Did you know how, every time I fix my hair or wash my hands in that stuff you got me, I can smell a fragment of you, and I just about die? I doubt it. Because, see, here's the thing: You've never noticed just how smoking hot you are. I think it's a common thing, really. A lot of people can't see themselves clearly, but hell, normally you can. Which is why I can never get how you never notice how I smile just a bit brighter with you here,
:iconkirana44:kirana44 17 15
That night he cried, just like he did a lot of nights. Most of the time, it was self-pitying, but this time he was crying for someone else as well as himself. He wished that he could love her like she loved him, that he could appreciate her curves and her beautiful skin and lovely smile. He wished that he could be attracted to her and not the strong, muscled yet extremely dim football player that he liked instead. He closed his eyes and clasped his hands and wished as hard as he could that that somehow, he could maybe make an exception to the bizarre rule his body and heart imposed on him. But some wishes, he knew, could never come true.
:iconkirana44:kirana44 2 3
They'd always told him to start at the deep end which, considering that he couldn't swim and was afraid of water, always seemed like a bad idea to him. But they pleaded and they bribed and they blackmailed him with loving words – "We'd be so proud of you!" – until he finally bent to their will. They took him to the diving board so he could jump in from a height and fight his fear properly, but he was taking much too long, standing there trembling so much. So one of them gave him a helping hand that turned into a helping shove. He fell in, and they all clapped and cheered well done lad! Too bad he never came back up to hear them.
:iconkirana44:kirana44 2 0
Happy and Sad
They, together, make me:
Sad as a jelly baby
That's had its head bitten off
Sad as an autumn leaf
That's trodden on and can't escape the rain
Sad as an umbrella caught in the wind.
But He, alone, makes me:
Happy as a forest lake
Reuniting with its raindrop friends
Happy as a sunflower
Opening her face to the glittering rays
Happy as the mouse that escaped the trap.
:iconkirana44:kirana44 2 9


Kallisti Art Live Event Request 1: Derpy Canon by johnjoseco Kallisti Art Live Event Request 1: Derpy Canon :iconjohnjoseco:johnjoseco 3,057 123 Rise of the Guardians: Toothiana by dou-hong Rise of the Guardians: Toothiana :icondou-hong:dou-hong 5,487 228 Zombie Luau Pineapple by kjas Zombie Luau Pineapple :iconkjas:kjas 1,382 192
Mr. Abbine Speaks
Mr. Abbine, I'm going to show you a few pictures. I want you to identify the people for me.
"I'll do what I can."
Can you tell me who this is?
"That's my good for nothing neighbor. He sits around his deck and smokes all day. Then he goes inside and probably gets high from pot or something stupid like that. I'll bet that guy is living off Welfare, the scumbag. Don't even get me started on the whore he keeps around-"
Mr. Abbine, please try to keep your answers focused on the subject. Can you identify this woman for me?
"That's my mother. She calls me three times a day to complain about how something 'isn't as great as it used to be.' I once told her she sounded old, and she started crying. Then she started calling me more often. Even though I've moved out twenty years ago, that woman continues to be a drain on my life."
Very good. This younger gentleman, tell me about him.
"That's Gary. He's a needy pain-in-the-ass. I swear, he follows me around work all day. Every day, with this guy. I
:iconjackgunski:jackgunski 600 90
Indigo Sunday by TGA-Tsurugi Indigo Sunday :icontga-tsurugi:TGA-Tsurugi 2,592 338 Ask Finn - Dump by Katkat-Tan Ask Finn - Dump :iconkatkat-tan:Katkat-Tan 3,749 568 Dust and Echoes - Halloween 2012 by senyphine Dust and Echoes - Halloween 2012 :iconsenyphine:senyphine 1,328 250 Lapras by JoJoesArt Lapras :iconjojoesart:JoJoesArt 9,450 554 Witch by AngeniaC Witch :iconangeniac:AngeniaC 3,703 216 Loki collection by Kibbitzer Loki collection :iconkibbitzer:Kibbitzer 3,298 97 Monster in the Night by ramy Monster in the Night :iconramy:ramy 3,006 117 World End by nako-75 World End :iconnako-75:nako-75 3,675 135 Concordia by Equestria-Prevails Concordia :iconequestria-prevails:Equestria-Prevails 4,717 267 Bullying... by Chiiteru Bullying... :iconchiiteru:Chiiteru 1,797 189


  • Listening to: Still Shy - ArtAttack
  • Reading: your mind
  • Watching: epic wins and fails
  • Playing: with fire
  • Eating: Usopps Manjuu
  • Drinking: Tea with 13 spoonsfuls of sugar XD
I'll do a general life update in a minute, but firstly, here's a public service announcement:

If you are reading this because you read To Be Loved and you happened to like it, can I please ask that maybe you try reading some of my non-Naruto works as well? It actually really bothers me that I'm mostly recognised for a series of fanfics that I wrote when I was 13...considering that I'm turning 19 next week, that's a long time ago. My writing has gotten much better, more intelligent and nicely crafted, and it really hurts when people read my old stuff purely because it's Naruto whilst ignoring the writing that I'm actually proud of. I am NOT proud of To Be Loved - I think I had a few nice, original ideas, but the whole thing was bogged down by things which make me cringe. The poor grammar, spelling and story structure were bad enough, but the obvious self-insert OC that I didn't know what to do with just ruined what could have been an above-average fan fic for a girl that age. I AM, however, proud of pretty much everything I've written since my fic "Just Because", which is still my gold-standard of great writing. If you're going to read anything else of mine, read that. I've done quite a few poems that I like, and I'm even thinking of breaching out into more smut-filled or otherwise adult territory, so it bothers me a lot when people don't read these things because it's not Naruto. The only reason To Be Loved is even on deviantArt anymore is because I know that people still read it, and it's a good bit of nostalgia. That's all.

I know all that sounds really preachy and pretentious, but COME ON, PEOPLE. It's like if picasso was only remembered for a chalk drawing he did when he was ten. It's not flattering.


Okay, general life update:

I actually managed to get into university! :D And it was the university of my choice, despite me not getting the grades that I wanted. I've been getting fairly comfortable with it, and my course is mad interesting. And one of my modules is Science Fiction. :D I intend to do a short story collection for NaNoWriMo, and a lot of them are SF-themed, so if my gallery becomes flooded with SF stories, then you'll know why. I've joined a shit-ton of societies, like the anime society, the SFX society and the B-Movie society, so a lot of my evenings are filled with fun times. Literally, the anime society is FOUR HOURS of anime fun, it's actually so wonderful. I've not been a heavy watcher or reader of anime and manga for a long time, so to get back into the scene is just so thrilling. :D  Since those three societies are linked, there are a few common friends I've made along the way, which is always fun. :D I've also decided to join Pole Fitness. "Why Pole Fitness? Isn't that to do with strippers?" I hear you ask. Well, no. In fact, it's the one work-out where I've not felt out of place, or overweight, or particularly fat or unfit. Everyone's a newbie, so being a newbie among newbies isn't a bad feeling. I'm kind of nervous about buying the tiny yoga short that I'll need for it, but hell, if it's necessary then I don't care. Plus, Pole Dancing can actually look gorgeous when you see someone doing is as a form of dance rather than something to excite a male audience. I'm going to be massively strong by the end of the year, so yeah, that's awesome.

As for that boyfriend I mentioned in my last journal...yeah, that didn't go so well, but it's not a sad story. We broke up, because the long distance thing bothered him so much, but in the few months since then, we've come to the decision that the whole "just friends" thing wasn't working out either. So, after discussing general boundaries, do's and don'ts and all that jazz, we decided that the term Romantic Friendship fit us better than anything else. We can date, we can cuddle and flirt and possibly even kiss, but sex is not involved in any way, shape or form, and we're free to properly date other people. And it's nice, and it's a comfy place to be with this guy, and I'm happy. I did have to point out, though, that since we decided that we were viewing it as a commitment, but we were still allowed to see other people, then that technically makes me a polyamourist, which was an interesting concept. Like, how would a prospective partner take that idea? Would my life be any different? I don't know. It's still fun, anyway. :D

...And speaking of things that are not heteronormative, and considering that today is National Coming Out Day...I've been questioning a few things lately. And when I say "lately", I mean "the majority of this past year." I've been asking the hard questions. I already knew that I was demisexual, but there were a few things that didn't seem quite right, and looking for answers, there were some things which I still can't find names for, and other ones where there were names, but I still hesitate to claim any of them outright. But I want to explain it, to anyone who's reading this:
Firstly, I care as much about gender as Haruhi Fujioka does. It's a concept that generally confuses me and makes me wonder what the point of it is. Having said that...It's almost like I like guys so much that I want to be one. When I see a good looking guy, part of me thinks he's good looking while another part of me is kinda jealous. :iconshazy: once put it very bluntly as "Sometimes I want to be a guy so I can be gay," and it was her posting that that got me thinking about myself. Plus, it deeply ties into some of my more...rotten interests. :D At the same time, I'm comfortable being a girl. I even really like being a girl sometimes. So I don't think I AM a dude or anything like that. I know that there's a term for this, and that there are people out there who proudly wave this particular flag high, but I hesitate to use it because,'s a link explaining the concept, because it will become VERY apparent why I hesitate to mention that I feel like this one's me. You see the NAME, right? I hesitate to say that that's me, even though I think it is, because I know most people would rip me to shreds over the name. So, summing up there, there's the alternative, vague label of "genderqueer" which I feel goes well.
Secondly, and this is a big one: I like girls. I finally admit it, I like girls as well as guys. My confusion, however, comes from the fact that I don't feel that I like girls enough to say that I'm bi. Saying that I'm bisexual feels like just as much of a lie as saying that I'm straight does. On the Kinsey Scale, I don't sit at 0 - I sit at a 1, possibly even a 2 (1.5?). It's only in hindsight that I've realised that I've wilfully ignored all the times that I HAVE liked girls, purely because that wasn't how I saw myself, and because my crushes on girls aren't as strong as my ones on guys. And this is where my trouble comes in, because I still don't like girls very often. So saying that I'm bi would be like saying "I usually fancy boys or girls", which isn't true. I generally see it as unlikely that I'll ever get together with a girl, and that it's not something that makes any impact on my life. But saying that I'm straight is just as much of a lie, and a more hurtful, deceitful lie than the other one. So, in regards to my romantic orientation, I'm sticking a giant "Queer" sticker on that, too. I guess I can use the term "heteroflexible," or maybe "bicurious," but they both sound kind of skeevy to me.
All of this, put together (along with the fact that I'm functionally asexual) means that I'd like to adopt the label "Queer", to sum everything up without being too specific.

The reason I've said all this isn't to make a big show of it. It's not because I want to shove it in everyone's faces or anything. In fact, in regards to my real life, I would hate for all of that to be public knowledge. It doesn't really matter in my day to day life, it's not something anyone NEEDS to know - in fact, knowing the blank confusion I'd get from my parents, there are specific people who I don't want them to know. But it bothered me that it felt like I was hiding a few things from the people in my life, the people who I know face to face. This idea that I was closeting myself and barring myself from any help that I would have wanted from my bothered me, and it always seems like a much bigger deal than it is when it's all kept to myself. Even if I don't feel comfortable making all of that facebook public, making it deviantart public is just as good if not better. So any of my real-life friends who are reading this...mention this elsewhere and I may have to murder you, I don't appreciate this becoming a well-known thing...but also, real-life friends, I wanted you guys to know. I don't care that strangers on the internet know, but I care that YOU know. None of it's a big deal, I'd hate it if people kept talking to me about it all the time and I hate the idea that this affects any of my friendships in any way, but holy shit, that was a big weight off my chest. I needed to say that to someone who I know in the flesh.

Oh yeah, and I have a tumblr now. Yay.

Thanks for reading. :D


Chewing the scenery since 1993
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
United Kingdom
I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm...not out of tea. Just a sec, I'll go make tea.



Add a Comment:
SerenityAme Featured By Owner Oct 17, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Happy Birthday
Yumi123 Featured By Owner Oct 17, 2013
Happy birthday :)
thelionesskira Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2013   Traditional Artist
I know that you think that "To Be Loved" is mediocre writing, but I don't think so. I LOVE that story.... AND it inspired me to start writing my own.
If you can write THAT good at 13, I can't wait to read the ones you're actually proud of. Can you please direct me to some of your best ones??
And also, I REALLY wish you would continue "To Be Loved" ..... I'm sorry for being so annoying, but I really want to know what happens....... :/
SerenityAme Featured By Owner Oct 17, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Happy Birthday
Awinnerwasyou Featured By Owner Oct 17, 2012
Happy birthday, dear cousin!
SerenityAme Featured By Owner Oct 17, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
happy birthday
mellowghost Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for adding my piece to your :+fav:!
Postmorteum Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2012

Thank you for the favorite on my DD. :blackrose:
ShadowedAcolyte Featured By Owner May 27, 2012
And thanks for visiting my gallery again today and faving something else!
ShadowedAcolyte Featured By Owner May 26, 2012
Thanks for faving a piece of mine a few months ago. I really appreciate it, and I'm glad you enjoyed reading it. Thanks!
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